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greetings Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "dudemanstan27" journal:

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July 6th, 2006
01:16 pm


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


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May 13th, 2006
02:17 pm


thats actually so sd,,,what if only 29% of ppl liked you haha

sucks for him

Current Music: ohio is for lovers, hawthorne heights

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April 3rd, 2006
12:15 pm


spring break is like....over
after today
thats really sad

my spring break was pretty good tho, but i wish it was like winter break and it was 2 weeks long.
oh well
the second semsester is halfway over

Current Location: my house
Current Mood: excitedexcited
Current Music: never fallin'~living ledgends

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March 17th, 2006
05:12 pm


i just re-rated my life
This Is My Life, Rated
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

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05:05 pm


i am writing something. i am just hella in the mood. i have nothing of value to say because anything i can think of saying sounds annoying and pointless to write.

4 words:
lafa taylor concert tonight.

don't miss

Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: new york state of mind

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March 4th, 2006
11:52 am


i am here to tell everyone that.....
k bye

Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Music: KLCC BABY

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February 5th, 2006
07:29 pm


hi livejournal. its been a while!

Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: first date ~blink 182

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December 19th, 2005
03:07 pm


my day
so far my day has been:
*woke up at 10:51 (i was supposed to be at crew at 11)
*get dressed really fast, said my to my dad and his emplyees, and walked to the bus stop in the rain
*caught the 11:20 bus, the only ppl on it most of the time were south ppl
*get to south
*finally got let in by some basketball girl
*its was about 12
*it didn'y matter that i was late cuz i didn't get to erg for a long time anyways and iris got there around the same time.
*did some weights, haha i m weak
*erged but then everyone left cuz it was behind scedual so i left too but i still got in a good workout i think eventho i didn't try at all. its a lot harder to work when your not with your team and everyone is leaving. in my opnion at least.
*talked to arik amd some other ppl for a while. arik complemented me and i thought that was really cool. it made me happy.
*waited for like 45 minutes for the bus but i talked to john nick and dan on my aim on my phone in the meantime.
*finally got home, where my dad announced that the x mas tree had fallen over. COOL.
*a bunch of orniments broke and some presents got wet, but i guess it will be ok. i guess. i was really sad at first, but none of my faveorite orniments except one broke. some of my parents faveorites broke but they might be able to glue them.
*i tried to make tofu 9my faveorite food which i m really really cad at cooking) and flames started coming out of the stove. i was freaking out but aleast it didn't start a real fire. the tofu tasted really bad. so i made couscous.
*now i m gonna go take a shower and stuff and later i m going to john's to hang out with ppl.

Current Mood: frustratedslightly upset.
Current Music: RAIINNNN

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November 30th, 2005
03:11 am


so i was reading mora's livejournal and was sorta talking about some stuff that i have been thinking about lately too. so i have decided to write about it.

its mostly about my future. and people's expectations for me.
what did my parents what me to be when i was born? when they found out what talents i had, or my interets? they must have fanticised about something right? i mean i don't have the kind of parents who would have been like "yeah so stella is going to grow up and be a lawyer and be popular and be smart and always have a 4.0 and be the best athlete" or anything like that, they aren't those kind of ppl. but they still must have thought something.

i just feel like i m not the girl that my dad wanted me to be sometimes. i think he wantd me to be dedicated to my drumming. and i should, becuase i know its one of only like 3 things that really takes the weight of his depressing life off his sholders. and i should do it more, because it makes him happy and proud. so y don't i?
my parents don't expect me to get really good grades, thats the pressure i feel from my friends.

i don't even know, but its like theres so many pressures coming from so many places. I ve never been really good at anything.
except music i guess. but its not like i ever get to play.. ppl used to say i had real potential and that i was really good. its not like i ve stopped playing, its just that i don't feel like i play enought... i don't know... it just makes me really sad.
i played soccer form kindergarden to 8th grade, longer than lots of ppl ever played. I always tried hard, and i was never very good. I never made good club teams or even retarted kidsports teams sometimes. i guess i m just not very fast. which is y i never did well when i tired track.
i tried basketball, and even tho people said they were amazed with my height and that i should be good, i wasn't.
i ve play lacrosse, which i guessi m not horrible at, but nothing spectacular.
crew, i was told that i would be good, not excatly...
ugh, i just want to be good at something.

i m not super smart and in any of the smart people classes. I m just an average kid. thats not who i wanted to be. i wanted to be important or mean something.

i just feel liek no matter what i do, i m letting someone down. and i m never good enough for all my friends and family. i make choicies that ruin everything. i want to have a good life, i mean sorta like mora said, i never expected anything rich and famous. and a lot of the jobs i want are simple ones, that would be amazing to have, but aren't like lawyers, and doctors.
i just don't see how stuff like that is even a reality for me.
i have everything set in my mind for how my life should be because that is how my friend's lives are going to be. and i never thought of any other way until recently.
what i want it to
get out of high school
go to the unversity
work in the peace corps
go to grad school
have a good life
and i guess nothing is stopping that from happeneing, but will it happen in the years i want it too? i might have to work before i can go to college because i don't have ANY money for college. i m not talking like "oh i have like 10, 000 or something" i literally have NO money for college. and my parents can't just pay for it like that. my dad could sell his super valuable bass for me to go to school for one year, but thats his most valued possession. i don't want him to have to do that. i mean i know it will all work out.
but i just don't know wahts going to happen to me. my life isn't justlaid in front of me like some peoples are. i can't guarentee anything that is going to happen to me. and i hate that.
i ve relised that i am going to be one of those ppl who dies and is forgotten. my friends that i love so much now won't even all remember me. i want to be someone. who we are now, is going to be a lot like how we'll be 20 years down the road. in some ways. and do i like who i am?

i don't know. i m stopping writting now, thats as deep as sometone like me can go in one sitting. but its a lot to think about.

Current Mood: awakechill
Current Music: dreams ~The game

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02:50 am


i relised yesterday that i m scared of having good days or having a good thing happen because i worry that it will never happen again. And usually it doesn't. Sometimes it does and i hope that goods things happen to me. I m just retarted i guess. I would rather just have a bunch of mediocre days and if good stuff happens for it to be sooo good that it will keep happening. I need to just chill i guess. I mean i do like it when reandom good stuff just happens. I love good days, i dunno. Y AM I SO RETARTED?

so today was the first day of erging for novice for winter trainning. It wasn't bad, but i still was really anti. When i was rolling out my erg, i felt like i was carrying my death. and i was wondering why i should be carrying something that in the long run will prolly be a part of ruining my knees. MEH
getting in shape can be annoying. i mean i love it and i love exercising. just erging is annoying while your doing it. ew. oh well, circuts tommarrow, those are ok. but thursday is erging again. oh well, who cares?

my dad is moving his shop back to our house and hes been so stressed lately. Its really sad, hes prolly taken years off his life just this week. not that he doesn't anyways....
i m sorta happy that he's moving back here because for the last 5 years i havn't really seen him. if he's home he's sleeping. and if he talks to me its about how i m a failure as a musician. This way i will get to see him more, and maybe he'll be less stressed and depressed and be nicer in general. not that hes not nice sometimes. i just rarely see him.
my mom is helping him tongiht and they are at work till midnight. she brought him a pizza which i hope he eats because he might say he's too busy to eat. He hasn't eaten anything all day. and hes already a bone. i weight more then him.
its depressing.

i hope tommarrow is a good day. i really really hope so.

so i dunno what i m gonna do tonight, i guess im just going to do homework and watch tv and go to bed and read or something. I HAVE A COOL LIFE.
just thinking about what i prolly would have been doing or preparing for tongiht if it had been last year....
damn i miss freshman year...
i can't let what i want get in the way of waht i need to do tho

so ummm on a happier note...
i don't have very much homework..
um i m pathetic.

i m going to myspace. not that i have any comments or anything...


Current Mood: soresore
Current Music: best mistake ~jamisonparker

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